Understanding Why We Sometimes Crave Our Abusers: Nervous System Responses to Old Attachment Wounds

Dear healers,

You’ve left. You’re safe. You’ve even started to catch glimpses of the vibrant woman once were. Everyone wants — and expects — you to be happy now that you’re free of abuse.

Instead, you’re walking around with a secret you’re not even telling your therapist: You miss him. No, you CRAVE him. You attempt to ease this discomfort by snooping on his socials. 

It all feels mind-bending and twisted. Suddenly, you feel like the crazy person he always accused you of being (you’re not).

Even though you left the abuser to save yourself, your nervous system may perceive complete abandonment at the break-up. The brilliance of somatic interventions is the ability to directly intervene by helping you to develop new neural pathways and behaviors that provide alternative ways of responding — without getting stuck in the habits of the past. 

The synthesis of somatic psychology and EMDR therapy is an exciting advancement in mental health. As standalone therapies, these are now considered to be two of the best trauma treatment models available. I have found that integrating these therapies in my work with survivors can enhance the effectiveness of both. 

Stay tuned. I will soon be offering an online course for narcissistic abuse survivors based on my own research of more than 2,000 survivors, as well as my clinical experience working with hundreds of individual survivors. Oh, and also my personal experience.

With such support,

Michelle